Tequila in the Hayloft
by durancedurance
Summary: A quick fluff oneshot from a prompt. Lois/Clark. Set sometime in season 4, Clark and Lois have a night of drinking and it leads to some shenanigans in the hayloft. Enjoy!


**Tequila in the Hayloft**

"Ok so what should we start with, tequila or vodka?"

"Excuse me?"

Clark simply stared at Lois as she stood in the middle of the kitchen of the Kent farm, holding a bottle in each hand.

"I asked what we're starting with Smallville, keep up," Lois grinned, her dirty blonde ponytail bouncing playfully as she set the bottles down on the island and made her way to the fridge. "What've we got to mix around here, I know there's at least OJ..."

"Lois, what do you think you're doing?" Clark finally managed to say. Whatever it was that Lois had concocted for this evening, he knew it wasn't going to end well.

"What I am doing, is getting you drunk," Lois said pointedly, giving Clark a look from over the fridge door. She went back to rummaging around in the fridge and Clark gulped.

"Um Lois..." Clark was unsure how to deter Lois from her task, and he swallowed hard. "Lois see we shouldn't..." Clark started again, addressing Lois' behind as her jeans poked out from the fridge door.

"Please Clark don't even start," Lois exclaimed from inside the fridge. She emerged with a giant carton of orange juice. "Looks like this is all we've got, so it's tequila shots and screwdrivers tonight."

"Lois, _you're _not even 21, how did you get this stuff?" Clark asked, picked up the bottle of tequila to inspect it.

"It's not gonna bite you Clark," Lois smirked as she saw the hesitation in his eyes. "And how else do you think? Fake ID and some feminine charm."

Clark rolled his eyes. "Please Lois, like you have any feminine charm."

Lois scowled. "I have plenty, not that you would know anything about that."

"We really shouldn't be doing this," Clark said, trying to be firm.

"What about tonight doesn't scream let's get wasted to you? It's time things loosened up around her eon the farm," Lois smiled. "Starting with you."

"But Lois my parents-"

"Will be gone in Metropolis until tomorrow afternoon, so what is your big deal here?"

Lois put her hands on her hips, her jeans hugging her waist perfectly, her purple tank top snug. Clark swallowed. They had entered a staring contest.

"My parents-"

"Probably drank hooch in the hayloft when they were your age. Lighten up Smallville. Drinking is fun."

"I don't see how drinking with you can be considered fun," Clark said, one eyebrow raised. He could at least rile up Lois, even if he knew she'd continue on her crusade to drink that night.

"A few tequila shots from now, you will be saying the opposite," Lois stated, unscrewing the top of the tequila bottle. "Besides Smallville, you wouldn't be stalling because you can't hold your liquor like a real man, would you?"

Lois had a dangerous glint in her eye. Clark entered the staring contest once more. After a few moments of thought, Clark decided there was only one option.

"You know what Lois, I'm offended," Clark said, a smile beginning to grow on his face. Oh yes, he knew exactly what he had to do.

"You should be farm boy. I guarantee you I can drink you under the table," Lois said, now rummaging around the cabinets for shot glasses. "Ah ha! See, your parents own shot glasses. That's a good sign," she said with a wink.

"You really think you can drink more than me Lois?" Clark challenged. It probably wasn't the best idea to bate her, but he simply couldn't resist.

"You're on Smallville. You know what? Let's make a bet. If I can drink more than you, and keep it down, I forfeit getting the shower first for a whole month," Lois stated. She began pouring tequila into a shot glass.

"You sound pretty confident with that bet."

"I'm sorry but have you _met _me?" Lois snarked. She began pouring a shot for Clark.

"Alright Lois, you've got a deal."

"Then let's drinkon it," Lois smiled, holding up her shot glass. Clark gave her an awkard smile in return, clinked his glass into hers, and watched as Lois threw her shot back with ease. "Bottoms up Smallville," she winked.

Clark hesitated, though he knew that it would almost certainly have no effect on him. He threw the shot back and swallowed, smacking his lips.

"Ugh that is terrible," he whined. Even if it didn't effect him, the taste wasn't exactly the greatest.

"Better buck up Smallville, or I get to take hour long showers while you wait. I intend on using all of the hot water." Lois poured another shot for herself and threw it back. "Wooo!"

"Take it easy there Lois," Clark said. He'd never really been to a party, and he'd never seen Lois drink before, but he knew her competitive side could make her do some pretty ridiculous things.

"Or what Smallville? You'll lose. I'm only getting started. I snuck enough alcohol on the base to know what I'm doing," she stated, sashaying over to the radio to play some tunes. After cracking up the volume from the soft background level Mrs. Kent kept it on, she came over to Clark. "You're already losing Smallville."

Clark gave her an irritated smile before pouring himself another shot of tequila and throwing it back. Lois smiled encouragingly. "There ya go!" Clark could still taste it in his mouth but he knew that it had still had no effect on him whatsoever. Lois was already loosening up, shaking her hips in time with the music she'd turned on, her face plastered with a smile and her eyes lit up. Lois, it seemed, loved a good night of drinking, even if it was just with him on the farm.

"Ok a break for shots for now, I'll fix you a drink," Lois said. She opened up the vodka and got two glasses out of the cabinet. "So tell me Smallville, how's the Lana sitch?"

Clark merely blinked. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me," Lois chided, pouring equal amounts of vodka in each glass. "How's it going? You doing ok? Just playing the friends game right now huh?"

"Umm you know Lois-"

"You can talk to me Smallville, I'm not gonna go spilling your secrets ok? I'm serious here," Lois said, looking up from the OJ she had been pouring to give Clark a sincere smile.

"Well, yeah. We're just friends. She's really happy."

"Mmm hmm. And are you happy?"

"I...don't know. Things are a little strange right now," Clark answered honestly. Though the alcohol had done nothing for him, something about unloading on a slightly tipsy Lois seemed comforting. Besides, at the rate she was going she probably wouldn't remember anything he told her tomorrow.

"It's ok not to know what you want Smallville. Look at me. I have no idea what I'm doing," Lois smiled.

"I've noticed," Clark chuckled. This earned him a swat on the arm.

"Hey! I'm trying to have a heart to heart with you here farm boy," Lois scowled.

"I don't need a heart to heart with you Lois, I'm fine."

"Then you need to drink this," Lois stated, shoving the glass into Clark's hands. "Let's play a game, you've got a deck of cards around here right?"

"In the drawer over there-"

"Great, do you know how to play blackjack Smallville?"

"Well I mean, sort of. You want 21-"

"Then you're good to go. Every time you lose a hand, you drink," Lois smiled, excited at the prospect of not only kicking ass at cards, but getting Clark drunk. Clearly two shots of tequila weren't enough of a start to shake him up. If Lois didn't know any better, she'd swear he'd partied before. _Sneaky little farm boy, the shy act won't work on me._

Lois dealt out cards, and after a few hands Clark began to get a feel for the game. Lois would offer advice, even though she was out to win. They played cards and drank, and Lois found that Clark was surprisingly good. He seemed to have an unnatural knack for knowing whether to hit or stay. The sheer luck he had was insane. After being dealt 19, asking for another hit, and getting a 2, Lois began to wonder if he was somehow cheating.

"You seem to have a natural gift for card games Clark. Who knew?" Lois asked, her eyes narrowing.

"I am a man of many hidden talents Lois," Clark said, beginning to get cocky now that Lois was on her second screwdriver.

"I look forward to uncovering them this evening," Lois smirked. "I think it's time we had some more tequila." Lois put the deck back in the box and got up to pour more shots. Clark followed and had to swallow a snort as Lois nearly bumped into the island counter.

"Aren't you not supposed to mix liquors?" Clark asked, worried that Lois would take their challenge a little too seriously and end up really doing some damage.

"Look who suddenly knows about drinking!" Lois shouted, probably more loudly than was necessary. She began pouring shots for the two of them.

"I'm just saying-"

"You're just saying you've probably been to a few parties haven't you Smallville?"

"No I'm just worried-"

"Shut up and drink sissy," Lois demanded as she threw back a shot and immediately began pouring another.

"Lois I really don't think this is a good idea," Clark mumbled. There wasn't any way he was going to get through to Lois, but he felt he should try.

"You know what we should do? We should go outside and look at some fucking stars," Lois said. Clark noted that this last shot might have been to the one to start putting her over the edge. "I'm bringing this with me," she slurred as she picked up the tequila bottle and headed out the back door. "Keep up Smallville," she shouted from porch.

Clark simply hung his head and sighed. This was not good. When he finally caught up to Lois she was leaning up against the fence near the barn. He back was to the fence, her arms resting on each side, one hand loftily holding the tequila bottle as she stared up at the sky. Clark came up beside her and leaned against the fence as well, looking up to admire the night sky with her.

"Nothing like looking at the stars to make a girl feel real small," Lois said quietly.

"You think so?" Clark asked.

"It just makes you wonder, you know? There's this whole big universe and all these people on our planet and then there's me. How do you stand out with those odds?"

"I didn't know you wanted to stand out," Clark answered honestly. Lois smirked at the ground, as if he'd just told a joke. She took a quick swig of tequila before responding.

"Doesn't everyone Clark? Don't you?"

"I don't think I want to _stand out_ necessarily-"

"Don't you want to feel important? To the world? To somebody?"

"Yeah," Clark sighed. "I know what you mean," he said, gesturing for Lois to pass him the bottle. Even if it didn't do anything, he figured the camaraderie of it all was important. Besides, the more he drank, the less Lois did. After handing the bottle back to Lois he looked over at her instead of continuing to stare at the sky.

"You know Lois, you're one of the bravest and most ambitious people I know. If anyone can stand out, it's you," Clark said sincerely, looking at her hazel eyes as she gazed up at the universe.

"Getting soft now that you've had some alcohol Kent?" Lois smiled, turning to look at him. She had never noticed it before, but he had some of the most gorgeous eyes she'd ever seen. In fact, he also one of the greatest bodies she'd seen since the base. Smallville was a little lacking in the tall, dark, and handsome department. Clark Kent was basically the _entire _department. Lois took another swig of tequila.

"What do YOU say," Lois said, laughing a little at her unnecessary emphasis on the word you, "to going up in the hayloft and using your fancy schmancy telescope?"

"If you want?" Clark offered. He wasn't quite sure how to handle drunk Lois, but she was actually being rather agreeable for once. And she was taking an interest in things he enjoyed, at least. He was taken by surprise though when as he started walking towards the barn, Lois came up beside him and put her arm around his waist.

"Umm, are you okay Lois?"

"Mm hmmm," Lois smiled. "I am _great_."

Lois stumbled a little on the gravel, and she held fast to Clark's waist. Clark thought he should be annoyed, but he actually found her incredibly endearing. After all, this was sort of his fault. He probably shouldn't have egged her on. Or allowed her to continue carrying the tequila bottle.

Once inside the barn, Lois took another rather large swig of tequila. "Whew!" she breathed, feeling the sting of the liquid. Lois felt all warm and fuzzy, and she liked being just with Clark. He was easy to be with. To just sort of hang around and to talk to.

"Let's put this down, shall we?" Clark said, removing Lois' hand from his waist and setting the tequila bottle on a work bench. He began climbing the stairs to his loft when he heard a large 'thump' behind him. Lois began laughing as Clark turned around to find her sprawled out on the stairs, once again holding onto the tequila bottle. She just continued to laugh at her drunken mishap, and Clark began to chuckle.

"You ok?" he asked with a large smile, extending his hand for Lois to take.

"Yeah," she giggled. Clark noted how her eyes crinkled at the edges when she laughed. He hoisted her up and continued to hold on to her until she had made up into the loft.

"Can I let go of you now, or are you going to fall down again?" Clark asked, a sly grin on his face.

"I'm fine, I promise," Lois laughed. "Thanks." Lois was exhausted from mentally and physically attempting to make it up the staris to the loft, so she plopped down on the futon. She set the bottle beside her.

"What about you Lois? Are you happy?" Clark asked. He was recalling their conversation from earlier. Lois was always prying into Clark's life, asking about him, giving him unwanted advice, giving him lectures. He realized that up until now, it had been rather one-sided.

"Gee Smallville, are you worried about me?" Lois sniggered.

"Actually, I am," Clark said sincerely, coming over to sit next to her.

"Oh," Lois whispered. It was all she managed to say in light of Clark's suddent tone of sincerity.

"Are you..doing ok here in Smallville? On the farm?"

"Yeah, um, no it's great. You parents are really fantastic you know that? I wish I'd had a family like yours," Lois said.

"Lois..."

"You know how lucky you are Smallville? Incredibly lucky. I just want you to know that. I know you're upset about Lana but you have two parents who love and care about you and really great friends like my cousin...and you've got me, you know."

"I do know," Clark smiled.

"Hey! I know, let's have another shot," Lois said, shying away from personal matters. If she let Clark continue with his line of questioning, she'd get emotional. And the last thing she wanted to was show weakness in front of Clark, even whilst intoxicated.

"Lois I think you've had enough," Clark said firmly.

"But you haven't," Lois smiled, tapping Clark on the nose with her index finger. "Here ya go farm boy, toss another one back," she smiled, handing him the bottle. Clark was too confused to argue, and so he placated her by having another drink. Lois took the bottle back and took another swig. At this point, the bottle was nearly empty, and most of it was Lois' handiwork.

"Now then," Lois said, her words slurring and her eyelids getting heavy. "Is it really hot in your barn or is that just me?"

"Ummm..."

"It is _suuuuuper _hot out here tonight. Why'd we come up here again?" Lois wondered, clearly past he point of merely being drunk. She could barely sting her senetences together.

"I believe it was your idea Lois," Clark laughed, finding Lois' now extreme drunken state somewhat hilarious. That was until, she began grabbing at the bottom of her tank top to yank it off. "Ummm, Lois?"

"Nnnnggg," was all Lois managed to say as she struggled to pull off her tank top.

"Lois what are you doing?" Clark exclaimed, mortified as Lois was now suddenly shirtless, sporting nothing but a bright red bra beside himon his futon.

"It's hot, whatever," Lois shrugged, tossing aside her tank top. "S'not like you're offended." Clark tried not to look but he couldn't help but notice how slim her waist was, how flat her stomach was, and how amazing her breasts looked in that bra...

"Lois maybe you should-"

"Clark I just really need to tell you something," Lois slurred, her eyes barely managing to stay fixed on Clark's. "You just make me feel really safe ok. Like you are just really great to me and I just feel safe with you."

Lois began to lean closer to Clark, her face close enough that he could smell the tequila on her breath. Clark was in full panic mode, and he tensed up, unsure what to do.

"You're the sweetest guy I've ever known," Lois whispered, and after leaning as close as she could to Clark, she swiftly closed the gap and planted a kiss on his lips.

At first Clark didn't respond, unsure as to what was happening. Once his brain started up again, he realized that Lois was kissing him. _Lois _was _kissing _him. But then he remembered what was happening, and he put his arms on Lois to push her away. She stopped trying to kiss him and looked into his eyes. His hands stillg rasped hers, and she stared at him, longingly. For a moment neither one did anything.

"Lois we shouldn't-"

"Do what you heart says for once Smallville, not your brain," Lois whispered. Clark was about to refute her statement, when he realized that even in her drunken state, Lois had seen right through him. He was always doing what his brain said to do, never what he wanted to deep down in his heart, what his gut told him to do. And even though he knew it might be a bad idea, even though the alcohol had lowered his inhibitions like Lois that night, he decided to make a reckless decision of the heart, and he kissed Lois.

Lois was hungry, greedy, grasping the back of Clark's neck and biting his lip. Clark found that he rather enjoyed it, and suddenly Lois was on his lap, her legs on either side of his. Her lips tasted sweet, like tequila and well, Lois. Her waist moved back and forth in his hands as she kissed him again and again. And then suddenly, as soon as it had began, the kissing stopped.

"You're not half bad farm boy," Lois smiled, whispering into Clark's ear.

"Lois I think you should maybe get some sleep now," Clark said, suddenly afraid he'd made the wrong decision.

"Mee-yow Smallville where do you think this is going?" Lois laughed.

"No Lois," Clark blushed. "I really think you should get some sleep now."

"You should **hic** get some sleep now," Lois slurred, her eyelids staying shut no matter how hard she tried.

"Come on," Clark said, lifting Lois up and taking her into his arms. He carried her all the way down from the loft and into the house. After putting her on her bed, he noticed she had passed out. "Goodnight."

The next morning Clark arose refreshed. He knew Lois would be having a pretty rough day, and he did feel pretty guilty about letting her get out of hand. He decided to make her a plate of pancakes, scrambled eggs, and some bacon. He put alka seltzer in a glass of water and carried it up to her room. It was after ten, but he figured the sooner she got up and started working off her hangover, the better.

"Good morning sleepyhead," Clark whispered as he came in carrying her breakfast.

"Oh god," Lois moaned, tossing from one side of the bed to the other.

"Yeah, that's what I thought you'd say," Clark said, trying his best not to laugh at her.

"Ugggggh."

"I made you some breakfast," Clark said.

"I'm gonna vomit, go away," Lois griped.

"As you wish, but I'm leaving this here for when you're ready. And there's some water here you should probably drink."

"Mmm," was all Lois managed. And Clark quietly exited her room.

About 3 hours later, a few trips to the bathroom, and some eggs and a piece of bacon later, Lois made her way downstairs where Clark was on the couch, silently reading.

"How do you _not _feel this terrible?" Lois sighed, sitting down at the ktichen island, poking at her pancake with a fork.

"I guess I'm a real man who can hold my liquor," Clark smiled pleasantly.

"Ha ha, Smallville," Lois scowled. "Thanks for breakfast," she said, trying to be more sincere.

"Anytime," Clark replied.

"So what even _happened _last night?"

"You don't remember?" Clark asked, blushing.

"It's kind of fuzzy. There were cards? I don't even know," Lois chuckled.

"Yeah you had an interesting night," Clark said, a hint of a smile on his lips. "Nothing you'd ever regret though, I don't think."

"Oh god, did we...?" Lois asked, leaving the open quesiton hanging in the air. She looked in shock and horror at Clark.

"Did we?"

"Ya know. DID WE CLARK?" Lois asked, mortified.

"Ummm, no," Clark said. Lois blew out a breath of reliefe.

"At least there's that then."

Clark decided he would keep the rest of the night's events to himself. After all, even if he told Lois, she'd find some way to make it_ his _fault and humiliate him for months.

"So it's hot showers for me then I guess," Clark smiled smugly. Lois merely rolled her eyes.

"Yeah well don't get used to it Smallville. Come next month, it's payback."

"I can't wait," Clark grinned. Especially if payback meant another round of drinking in the hayloft.


End file.
